Friday, 24 May 2013

Launching Into Darkness

This Saturday sees the birth of something very cool and much needed in South Africa. Label Young 'n Lazy has produced a capsule for Smith and Abrahams (the guys from 2bop, so you know) consisting of one jacket and one cap. The run is extremely limited so first come first serve unfortunately guys!

The Varsity jacket is a wool/cashmere blend, with satin thermo-insulation and bovine leather finishes.
There are only 20 available so you snooze you lose!!
The cap is a six panel snapback, the first of its kind for the Smith and Abrahams' team, made up of the same fabrics as the jacket. Also extremely limited.

Come have a look this Saturday from 3:30-6:30. There will be beer by Citizen and beats by Slabofmisuse
Check out the facebook pages here:

Wednesday, 22 May 2013

Bieber's Oldest Beliebers

So Bieber came to perform in Cape Town and we went, we saw, we conquered we came, we SURVIVED and we BELIEVED!

Needless to say that having Bieber in town did not help us have a particularly productive week. There was the initial fake "Bieber has been spotted in the Waterfront" alarm which had Jana waiting outside The One and Only for 5 hours (a whole 24 hours before he had even landed in the country).
 However this was not entirely useless as she did manage to befriend one of his drivers who hinted that his ETA would be approximately 4pm the next day.

Then Bieber REALLY landed in AFRICA (anyone following his Twitter would have noticed this is something he seemed to really enjoy stating) and Jana, Fani, Jane and Gia made their way to the One and Only in hope of spotting him. Isa was stuck in labs and cried hysterically while cutting up DNA and keeping up to date via whatsapp (needless to say it was not a good look).
Sadly he did not come out and greet his excited fans but he did throw a peace sign out the car window which Jane was heard repeatedly telling little girls at the concert the next day
 " I SAW BIEBER'S HAND, HE THREW A PEACE SIGN". Needless to say the response to this was rather mitigated throughout the day. 

Here are the pics from the One and Only the night before...
Jana was READY! (by this time she had already spent a total of 10 hours outside the One &Only so you would think she would be)

Jane prior to spotting HIS HAND

The One and Only- Fani who is NOT tall stands at average height amongst this crowd of keen 14 year olds

Apparently the police felt it was necessary to come in bus load in case the thirty 14 year old girls (and the four 20+ girls) lost their shit and pulled out guns or something. Jane took a photo op where there was one.

The ticket that changed our lives (fuck Willy Wonka give Biebs GC if you want to make children's dreams come true)

Being the keenest (and most embarrassing) group of people I know we decided to do a mini sleepover at Jane's the night before (ya you guys totally give a fuck). We screened Never say Never, slept a total of one hour due to a drunken intrusion by a man living at Jane at that time (true story) and headed off to the stadium at 5am after MUCH pressure from Jana who had already attempted to make us go at 2am. We obviously thought we would be one of the first in line and this turned out to be our first mistake in underestimating the army of girls who are Beliebers. 
Arriving at 5 am placed us exactly 210th in line...

So casual.
We laid down a mattress, got comfy and quite lesbian under a blue blanket (which you will now see has found great fame since) and thankfully landed next to an AWESOME group of girls. We quickly decided these were the bitches to hang with and in solidarity with each other named ourselves The Bitch Cutters. This is very self explanatory, any bitch (and by bitch we are aiming at girls over the age of 18) who tried to push past our group would be cut. We obviously stand against violence towards children so anything below 16 could possibly get past to find mommy or whatever. We had no patience for Belieber moms and dads though, who throughout the day turned out to be the most unpleasant sorts of human beings ever, shouting at other children and forcefully pushing their children in front. 

Anyway so we laid down at 5am and some person took a photo of us, to which Jane's immediate reaction was " Isa, some fucker is taking a pic of us". Little did she know that this picture would be the first of many incredible events on this day as a very confused person tweeted it saying that it was her cousin under that blanket and by chance BIEBER RETWEETED IT!!!

Here is proof this all went down.

And here below is the picture JB retweeted which is currently on 9000 retweets. Fani's mom is particularly excited about this as she was the one who bought the blanket and seems very chuffed about her choice. 

From right to left we have Mia, Jana, Isa, Jane and Fani. 

Round about when the sun started coming up, we were rudely awoken by security who would begin their daily activity of being incredibly annoying for absolutely no good reason and being quite  TERRIBLE at their jobs. I will not go into details of this (saving that for a private letter to Big Concerts) but let me just say this- YOU ARE LUCKY NO-ONE GOT HURT. AND IN FUTURE WHEN DEALING WITH A CROWD CONTAINING APPROXIMATELY 3000 VAGINAS (Golden Circle only) MAYBE DON'T CLOSE OFF EVERY POSSIBLE EXIT TO GET TO THE BATHROOMS. IDIOTS.

Anyway so began our cattle herding where for the next 12 hours we would be made to move forwards, then backwards, then forwards again, then told to sit, then stand then move again, etc...
Thankfully we had each other to laugh at the situation, our Bitch Cutters to tell us great Uno stories; these girls play Uno weekly and often will not speak to each other for many days over a game gone sour-needless to say that is the life I want (NO JOKE). We read all the trashy magz to get up to date with the Biebs and Mia found her talent in poster making.

As you can see Jana is by far the happiest (and oldest)
Belieber in this crowd

The fun filled crowd around 6am

Mia's first attempt-quite obviously ART!!

I mean C'MON! How can you not respond to THAT?!

We really felt this would reach the Biebs (we were also definitely the only people in the crowd able to say this to him). Sadly this sign was thrown away before we could enter the arena by security guards searching us. Hopefully one day Bieber will know what we mean?!

We tried stealing others signs (that were quite frankly brilliant in comparison with ours)

We had our sad moments

And Jane did really well on one hour's sleep

But the whole time we were still incredibly excited about watching JUSTIN BIEBER LIVE

We met some cool peeps
Baby belieber who had been there since 2am and CLEARLY though we were losers/she was much cooler than us

Our bitch cutters xxx

Fani grabbed the day as a selfie opportunity

It then started raining although it had been sunny for the previous 2 weeks. Mia makes rain look fucking cute. How you may ask? I don't know but she makes me want to hug the shit out of a rain cloud. 


Thankfully I had thought to bring an umbrella and we all shared it untill Jane thought I was trying to make out with her after which things were awkward (and a bit distant) for about an hour.

The sun came out and 6 HOURS LEFT UNTIL CONCERT!!! 

I must admit that we are easily excitable as 6 hours may seem long but when 9 have already elapsed you get excited. This was also round about the time Jane, Fani and I started looking in packets abandoned on the side of the walkway for food and we discovered that Belieber moms sure pack well for their babies!! After asking around to make sure this did not belong to anyone near us (and the owners had obviously moved on) we feasted on all the woolies snacks and some Redbull. 


Upon leaving the line outside the stadium we were supposed to be moved in groups of 30 to go find our place within the Golden circle. We were part of the second group to move in but as security beautifully failed once again we only got about halfway when a terrifying stampede of 100 girls came at us (they literally sounded like the great migration and the Khudu kind, not the movie about Egyptian geese). Needless to say pandemonium broke out, security guards were grabbing girls left right and centre, Jana turned into the strongest/fastest/most agile girl I have EVER seen and somehow flew above everyone all the way to the front, Mia, Fani and I tried to worry about saving the kids around us from being stampeded but when I tripped on my own feet and was only narrowly rescued from a sure death by Jane I realised that I may be better off just attempting to get there myself. 

All the people who were not quite in the front

The general mood after this traumatic experience 

Front row baby! 
Fani does not seem to feel panic in these situations, or did not understand how close we came to meeting our fate on the floor of the Cape Town stadium.


All of this  trauma occurred at around 4:30pm after which there was no leaving to pee, eat or live until Bieber came on at 8:45pm. This means we stood our positions, taking turns to sit as there was not enough space to all sit at once (yes this does make one think of prison conditions) and taking sips of water every half hour (so as not to dehydrate) without drinking enough to need to pee. 

The crowd got progressively more compact as the hour dawned

And then at 8:40pm(after two rather traumatic first performances by others which I would rather not speak about)


Fani initially cried hysterically and Jana almost fainted, only barely saving herself from being carried to the medic tent by violently smacking herself through the face (I call that DEDICATION)




Our emotions appropriately ranged from hysterical to more hysterical

Mia cried for about 2 hours after this photo was taken. We are worried she is STILL suffering from dehydration. But she discovered Bieber <3

Apart from meeting loads of really inspiring girls of all ages and having the most amazing time with my friends, I think I speak for everyone when I say that upon leaving Bieber you feel nothing but positive and inspired to be the best that you can be. And if you ever hated/still hate Bieber please know this, as irritating as he may be to you, he inspires thousands/millions of people all over the world to be the best that they can be. 
He may be some vain kid but his fame carries (until now) one of the most positive messages.


Saturday, 18 May 2013


Seeing as it's 2013 I've decided blogposts are the new birthday cards. Fuck privacy, I want the world to know how I feel about this girl! Isa is one half of Crazy White Bitches and one half of ME. We've been Best Friends (and lovers) for TEN YEARS. I know this makes everyone jealous to hear because everyone who knows Isa is OBSESSED  with her. I basically share a best friend with half of Cape Town, but I don't mind because she is the fucking QUEEN (on the trampoline, eating jellybeans, Shizaline) (Yes this post is laced with personal jokes, it's still a birthday card guys, jeez). Okay so here are some photos of Isa looking beautiful, which also proves to this bitch that there are many half-decent photos of her on the internet despite Paul Ward's penchant for posting the weirdest photos of Isa and her life (fucking Paul Ward!!) (<3)

I mean come on, how does a bitch get any badder?

Here are some photos of Isa looking cute as fuck, cuz lets face it- she has THE CUTEST MUIS FACE!

(Isa is really good at handling awkward situations)

(Her secret musician side coming out)

(Barry ruining every photo- standard)

(My One Less Lonely Girl)

(circa 2004)

On the other hand, Isa has the most banging body and is one ferocious sex-cat! Here are some pictures of her looking hot and terrifying!

(Her rebellious high school phase)

(Casually looking cute with Abbey Lee Kershaw)

(This is how Isa feels most days...Look, no-one said a career in Scientifical Genetics or whatever would be easy)

(Just helping Roy clean that sushi out of his teeth...)

(Isa loves Fani)


(This is how Isa appears to the rest of the world)

Basically, everyone knows that Isa is French, loves dolphins, was a trapeze artist in the circus, and that her parents are AIDS doctors that are literally saving the world. But Isa also has a huge heart and is going to be a fantastic mother

and Wife

and Human Being forever.

 I clearly love you, and I'm clearly too stoned to continue with this post. So basically, Happy Birthday Isa, I adore you now and I always will.