Iggy vs Miley

So realistically these two should never be put in the same league or compared but since their new videos both came out at the same time and I happened to watch them one after the other I thought they might be worth comparing. 

Both videos are quite obviously based around hot white girls getting semi-naked but while Iggy pulls it off amazinly and is sexually charged, Miley comes off as sexually desperate and makes you want to never use a hammer again or watch a building getting demolished without feeling violated.

Here are the Do's and Don'ts.

It starts off well enough with Miley crying and looking rather beautiful

But then it all goes downhill

When walking dont slouch carrying awkward heavy tools

Do walk with purpose and keep your back up

Avoid walls crashing behind you causing dust. Also if you're gona have a wrecking ball breaking down a wall maybe make it a little more dramatic/realistic

Do have things burning in the background rather than crashing, Iggy already understood that in Work

Don't under any circumstance WHATSOEVER attempt to look sexy on a swinging wrecking ball

I mean seriously

And if you INSIST on getting naked and attempting to show your boobs maybe try to make sure they are the same colour as the rest of your body

Do lie by the pool side looking sexy (and one skin-toned) pulling all of the following faces, Match panties to your lipstick and STAY AWAY FROM WHITE.

NEVER EVER EVER MIMICK MAKING OUT WITH INANIMATE OBJECTS. You look both desperate and incredibly unattractive

Do rub up against a hot man

Don't pretend you can do manual labour when you obviously can't

Do pretend you work as a show girl

Or alternatively sprawl yourself across a beautiful bed showing how little you do (but how rich you are)

Don't show your sad-angry face if this is what it looks like

But do if this is what it looks like

Don't try to have the world notice your nipples (LOOK MOM BRA-LESS) when we are more worried about that hammer between your legs

Do bring attention to your nipples in this way. JUST DO.

Sorry just again don't swing naked on a wrecking ball

If you're going to lie on the floor try not to have awkward bums sticking out

Do stick your ass out if it looks this good

If you're going to lie around on the floor and show us your ass please make sure your panties are clean at least. C'MON MILEY DIRTY PANTIES ARE A NO NO.

Nuff said

Stop trying so hard

But do try THIS hard

So ya, Iggy is probably the last standing white girl who lessens my self-loathing as a white girl just a little bit.

If you wana watch the actual videos here they are

Kim K by Karl Lagerfeld

Turns out Kim used her pregnancy wisely and while EXTREMELY pregnant (I still can't believe she didn't birth triplets) did an amazing shoot with Karl Lagerfeld for CR Fall/Winter issue.

The verdict on these pictures is still out, with most people actually hating them (because I am a huge loser I actually took an online poll and I was one of only 30 people out of 4000 to give this shoot the thumbs up). 

However I like that Kim is edging away from the glam,false lashes, tight booty thing into something which is somewhat more high fashion. The jam shot has me both craving jam and wanting to make out with her, so ya.

Decide for yourselves

Georgia May Jagger by David Bellemere

This is an old shoot for Muse Magazine but it's too hot not to look at. Georgia May Jagger is every man/woman/child's fantasy.

Also put kittens on her and she makes it look dirty

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ISALINE!

Seeing as it's 2013 I've decided blogposts are the new birthday cards. Fuck privacy, I want the world to know how I feel about this girl! Isa is one half of Crazy White Bitches and one half of ME. We've been Best Friends (and lovers) for TEN YEARS. I know this makes everyone jealous to hear because everyone who knows Isa is OBSESSED  with her. I basically share a best friend with half of Cape Town, but I don't mind because she is the fucking QUEEN (on the trampoline, eating jellybeans, Shizaline) (Yes this post is laced with personal jokes, it's still a birthday card guys, jeez). Okay so here are some photos of Isa looking beautiful, which also proves to this bitch that there are many half-decent photos of her on the internet despite Paul Ward's penchant for posting the weirdest photos of Isa and her life (fucking Paul Ward!!) (<3)

I mean come on, how does a bitch get any badder?

Here are some photos of Isa looking cute as fuck, cuz lets face it- she has THE CUTEST MUIS FACE!

(Isa is really good at handling awkward situations)

(Her secret musician side coming out)

(Barry ruining every photo- standard)

(My One Less Lonely Girl)

(circa 2004)

On the other hand, Isa has the most banging body and is one ferocious sex-cat! Here are some pictures of her looking hot and terrifying!

(Her rebellious high school phase)

(Casually looking cute with Abbey Lee Kershaw)

(This is how Isa feels most days...Look, no-one said a career in Scientifical Genetics or whatever would be easy)

(Just helping Roy clean that sushi out of his teeth...)

(Isa loves Fani)

(Clearly)

(This is how Isa appears to the rest of the world)

Basically, everyone knows that Isa is French, loves dolphins, was a trapeze artist in the circus, and that her parents are AIDS doctors that are literally saving the world. But Isa also has a huge heart and is going to be a fantastic mother

  

and Wife

and Human Being forever.

 I clearly love you, and I'm clearly too stoned to continue with this post. So basically, Happy Birthday Isa, I adore you now and I always will.