Tuesday, 10 September 2013

Iggy vs Miley

So realistically these two should never be put in the same league or compared but since their new videos both came out at the same time and I happened to watch them one after the other I thought they might be worth comparing. 
Both videos are quite obviously based around hot white girls getting semi-naked but while Iggy pulls it off amazinly and is sexually charged, Miley comes off as sexually desperate and makes you want to never use a hammer again or watch a building getting demolished without feeling violated.

Here are the Do's and Don'ts.

It starts off well enough with Miley crying and looking rather beautiful

But then it all goes downhill

When walking dont slouch carrying awkward heavy tools

Do walk with purpose and keep your back up

Avoid walls crashing behind you causing dust. Also if you're gona have a wrecking ball breaking down a wall maybe make it a little more dramatic/realistic

Do have things burning in the background rather than crashing, Iggy already understood that in Work

Don't under any circumstance WHATSOEVER attempt to look sexy on a swinging wrecking ball

I mean seriously

And if you INSIST on getting naked and attempting to show your boobs maybe try to make sure they are the same colour as the rest of your body

Do lie by the pool side looking sexy (and one skin-toned) pulling all of the following faces, Match panties to your lipstick and STAY AWAY FROM WHITE.

NEVER EVER EVER MIMICK MAKING OUT WITH INANIMATE OBJECTS. You look both desperate and incredibly unattractive

Do rub up against a hot man

Don't pretend you can do manual labour when you obviously can't

Do pretend you work as a show girl

Or alternatively sprawl yourself across a beautiful bed showing how little you do (but how rich you are)

Don't show your sad-angry face if this is what it looks like

But do if this is what it looks like

Don't try to have the world notice your nipples (LOOK MOM BRA-LESS) when we are more worried about that hammer between your legs

Do bring attention to your nipples in this way. JUST DO.

Sorry just again don't swing naked on a wrecking ball

If you're going to lie on the floor try not to have awkward bums sticking out

Do stick your ass out if it looks this good

If you're going to lie around on the floor and show us your ass please make sure your panties are clean at least. C'MON MILEY DIRTY PANTIES ARE A NO NO.

Nuff said

Stop trying so hard

But do try THIS hard

So ya, Iggy is probably the last standing white girl who lessens my self-loathing as a white girl just a little bit.

If you wana watch the actual videos here they are